To My Angel

In September of 2015 , I discovered I was pregnant and not very far along. We were happy and scared and excited all at once. But the baby was gone before he or she  could begin and it was heartbreaking. I was in a wreck and found out after that I'd miscarried.  But not because of the accident though. I went to the doctor for an ultrasound and the baby wasn't there. I cried and cried. Nine days later , I found I was pregnant again. I thought what a true miracle! What a joy! I took one pregnancy test a week for a month before going to the doctor.  We saw the baby for the first time and heard the little heartbeat.

A true miracle! Sean and I were so happy. We were told that everything looked good. I decided to announce to everyone then our amazing news. I posted the ultrasound pic and shared our joy. I wasn't throwing up but I was tired , so tired. I took my prenatal and tried to sway away from bad foods and soda. I tried to keep my energy up and do chores and take care of Damon. Because , why not? I see other pregnant moms do it. Some even work the entire time. We were under stress though. Sean was out of a job and our money was running low and we were running out of options. I tried my best to stay positive and calm , I'm pregnant you know. I prayed to God to help him find a job and for us to get back on our feet again, We had our disagreements during this hard time and he thought he failed us. He never failed us. We still had what we needed for Damon and got help from family.

  I considered working but was worried about how that would go with a babysitter and paying one we couldn't afford. So we made the best of everything. I was making sure not to stress too much and to take care of myself for the baby. I was terrified of how we were going to take care of two kids this coming July. We had the help of our family though and we weren't 1100 miles awat anymore on an air base. We can do this!

Christmas came around and we got together with our families and had a wonderful time. I felt ok but didn't at the same time. But it didn't feel like anything serious. I was fine. So I went about the day and had a good time. I was able to eat and drink and move around ok. Sean and I even cleaned up the dinner mess. I felt ok going to bed and summed it up as just being different from my pregnancy with Damon. At 4 am the next day , I was having cramps and could not get comfortable in bed. By 8 or 9 , I knew something was wrong. I woke Sean up and told him. I called my mom and asked her about what was going on. After I hung up with my mom , the first of the blood came. I thought ok , this is a small amount , no harm. Then a big clot came and more blood. Then I knew. I knew that it was over. I looked at the clot in my hand and just screamed. It tore through me uncontrollably, it ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it on the floor. My husband had tears and so did my son.

I told Sean to take care of Damon. He needed him. I called my parents and we went to the ER. There , they confirmed my nightmare. I lost the baby at 10 weeks 4 days. I had an appointment to see the baby the next week. My parents held me and we cried. I was looking at the Jesus on the wall and praying to him and asking why? Why did I get this far? Why did you do this? Why do you need my baby? I wanted to be mad at him but I wasn't. My parents took me to get medicine and then home, I don't remember much of the rest of the day. But that evening , I had the baby. I held her little body in my hand. I felt disconnected at first. I felt like this wasn't real. I touched her little arm and her little body. She wasn't even two inches maybe. I say girl because that's what I felt in my heart, that this was my little girl.  I know my husband was hurting too but I didn't know what to say. I felt like I let everyone down. I failed my baby. My family. I barely ate or drank anything for awhile. But my family and friends were constantly checking on me and my husband and son were by my side a lot. I finally woke up one day and decided I couldn't dwell. I had to be there for my family. I still have my amazing son! He's pure joy and the light of my life. I still have Sean , my amazing husband! And my amazing family and friends. I have to get up . I have to better myself. Ihave to trust in God's plan. He needed my baby for something and maybe I needed to learn something from this.

I have a few things that memorialize my miscarrages ,some sad but some are meant to be happy. I have a necklace of the ultrasound pic , floating locket charms, I put a mamorial angel in our garden where we can visit the baby, I had a blanket crocheted with tiny little feet on it to symbolize my angel children. I did these things for closure. To keep them close to our hearts. I feel I can completely focus on the future now and my family. My son and husband need me. I love them more then the moon and stars. I pray to God every single day and thank him for this wonderful life I have. I will always feel pain over the loss but I cant let it make my life. I still cry sometimes but not all the time. I'm ok. I can better myself by getting healthier for myself and my family. I can be a christain woman who falls a lot but God picks me back up. I can have this strength to go on because I have the will and the need to.  I want to thank Sean and Damon and my entire family and my friends for helping pick me up. I love you all so much.

Influenster: Loreal Extraordinary Oils Vox Box

I recently received the Extraordinary Oils Voxbox by Loreal complimentary of Influenster for testing and review. I am quite pleased with these products. I received the shampoo , conditioner and serum. After one use , my hair was soft and shiny and beautiful. It was easily manageable and tangle free. I started with the shampoo and could tell a difference with just that. The conditioner was amazing , I could tell a difference right away. I left it in for a couple minutes then rinsed. I blow dried my hair and applied the serum. It made my hair shiny and silky smooth. I couldn't stop running my fingers through it. I've used these products everytime I've showered and I'm still getting amazing results. This is my new go to hair regimine. I'm attaching a couple pictures to show my results.